


I run to you since you are my home

by rainbow_kitten_5



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Best Friends, Clingy TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Evil Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Good Communication Skills, Happy Ending, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Lonely TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Nightmares, No Romance, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scared TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Suicidal Thoughts, THEY HAVE THE CONVERSATION YOU WANT THEM TO, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit Friendship, Toby Smith | Tubbo Deserves Better, Toby Smith | Tubbo Has PTSD, Toby Smith | Tubbo Has a Bad Time, Toby Smith | Tubbo is Not Okay, Tommy talks about what happened in exile, Traumatized Tommyinnit (Video Blogging RPF), Tubbo and Tommy have a conversation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29386509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbow_kitten_5/pseuds/rainbow_kitten_5
Summary: After an unsuspected guest arrives at Tubbo's door far too late at night he is forced to faced the answer to the question he's been avoiding: What happened to Tommy during exile?OR:Tubbo and Tommy talk about what happened to Tommy in exile, why Tubbo exiled him, why Tommy teamed with Techno and realize that the other never hated them.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 171





	I run to you since you are my home

Tubbo lets out a whine as he shifts rustling underneath the layers of thick blankets stacked on top of his small form. He blinks open his eyes, the darkness becoming replaced with the burning light of a fire. 

_ Hmm, It’s too early. _ Tubbo observes when he notices the dull headache that runs through his mind begging him to burrow under the blankets and fall back into a blissful escape. A sharp banging rattles through his cabin and Tubbo rolls over forcing himself to sit up in his nest of blankets placed dangerously close to the fireplace. Tubbo thinks that logically a little cold is nothing compared to the possibility of his bed setting alight, yet he finds himself closer to the fire every night. It sends a bolt of frustration through Tubbo when he wakes up to find himself huddled so close, but tonight his irritation comes from the noise snatching away his rare chance of peace.

Tubbo peels himself away from his nest, reluctantly standing up. He pulls his thick coat closer around him as the banging becomes louder.

_ Someone’s at my door.  _ Tubbo realizes, a sour taste creeping up his throat. He glances at the window only for a blanket of stars to stare back at him.  _ Something must be wrong for someone to be at my door at this hour. _ He reasons with a huff. Tubbo knows that he can’t be upset if there is an emergency and tries his best to swallow his annoyance as he descends the stairs of his cabin. 

‘’I’m coming! I’m coming!’’ Tubbo shouts as the knocking becomes desperate. He disguards his gloves to fiddle with locks on his door. Tubbo hesitates for a moment realizing he didn’t take the sword from his room before shaking his uneasiness away and swinging open the cabin door.

A sharp wind slices through Tubbo’s layers like butter and hardened snow stings his eyes but Tubbo doesn’t move. He doesn’t hurry his unexpected guest in. He doesn't rush to shut the door or demand an explanation. He just stands completely frozen, his expression not moving from a blank gaze as his hands straighten by his sides rendering them useless.

Tommy stands in his doorway still in T-shirt and thin pants, Tubbo’s mind nearly wants to scold him for his lack of preparedness. Tubbo tries to force his mouth to move to tell Tommy that if he’s going to visit Snowchester he at least needs to wear a hat over his rat nest of a hairstyle, but Tubbo can’t bring himself to move. Tommy’s solid white fingers curl around the bones of his arms. Goosebumps trail up his face and bulge out through the tears in his pants. Tommy’s eyes stare into Tubbo’s, they’re glazed over and the irises that Tubbo remembers to be electric blue are fogged down in a storm of dull gray. The sight of that empty gray melts Tubbo’s emotions away allowing his thoughts to travel to his mouth.

‘’T-Tommy?’’ Tubbo stumbles out restraining himself from pulling his best friend into a hug. Tubbo knows it's been too long since they’ve spoken. Tommy is oddly silent. His jaw twitching as if he wants to speak but isn’t sure how to mould his jumbled words into the melody of sentences. Alarms ring inside Tubbo’s brain. 

_ Tommy always has something to say.  _ Tubbo swings the door open wider as he practically pulls the frozen shell of his friend inside. Tommy allows himself to be dragged and manages to move his legs by himself wandering into the centre of the room as Tubbo latches the door shut. Three locks, Tubbo is planning on investing in more. 

‘’I’m-I’m sorry-’’ Tommy mumbles barely over a whisper and Tubbo turns his attention sharply to the boy. ‘’I shouldn’t have b-brothered-fuck.’’ Tommy fumbles over his words as he moves a possibly frostbitten hand through his strands of golden hair.

‘’Tommy...what’s wrong?’’ Tubbo forces out wishing his voice wasn’t shaking as he draws closer to his friend. Tommy violently tugs his hair. 

‘’He’s everywhere!’’ Tommy suddenly screams causing Tubbo to cringe at the sound. ‘’He’s fucking everywhere that goddamn bastard! I just want one night! One night! And he talks like...I just...who even is he!? Why do I almost want to see him when I fucking hate his guts! I just...want him to stop…’’ Tommy trails off as he restlessly paces the room, his heated breath floating through the air in puffs. Part of Tubbo knows he needs to at least get Tommy upstairs to the fireplace before the cold permanently damages him; the other part of Tubbo feels a storm inside his chest. A feeling of disgust at something he can’t even see, the unexplained urge to drag Tommy to Project Dreamcatcher and activate the bombs across whatever is making Tommy’s sentences become broken and whatever drained the life from his eyes. Tubbo takes a sharp inhale.

_ Don’t be irrational.  _ Tubbo begs himself before reaching out to grab Tommy’s hand away from his hair. Tommy flinches at the touch but doesn’t pull away instead starring forward into the emptiness as Tubbo intertwines their fingers. Tubbo nearly wants to laugh at how childish the gesture is,  _ I’m nearly an adult and I still need to hold someone’s hand.  _ Tubbo knows that he probably would laugh at himself until he broke the habit if the gesture didn’t help Tommy calm down too. 

‘’Who is he?’’ Tubbo asks, focusing on Tommy's limp cold hands to stop himself from spiralling. Tommy scrunches up his face at the question as if for a moment he can’t remember. 

‘’Dream.’’ Tommy states after a moment, the name causes Tubbo’s heart to race and his grip on Tommy’s hand to tighten. ‘’No...wait that’s not right...Dream is gone…’’ Tommy uses his free hand to grip his hair again. ‘’No Dream is my friend...no, no...Dream...Dream’s in prison...right?’’. Tommy’s eyes focus on Tubbo as if just noticing his presence. ‘’Dream’s in prison, right?’’ Tommy asks as if his life depended on the answer, he grabs Tubbo’s other hand, his blue eyes pleading for an answer as tears start to anxiously bubble from their brims.

‘’Yes. Yes!’’ Tubbo responds as quickly as his mind allows him to.  _ His eyes are back to normal.  _ After an agonizing second of Tommy searching Tubbo’s face for a lie Tommy nearly collapses against his friend. Tubbo panics barely latching onto Tomy’s forearm to stop him from hitting the floor.

‘’Thank fucking god,’’ Tommy gasps through tears of relief. 

‘’Tommy, what’s happening? Are you..alright?’’ Tubbo scrambles as he tries to lower both himself and his friend to the ground safely. Tommy just mumbles fragments of gratefulness until they reach the wooden floor. Tommy leans against the wall, his head rolling back as he laughs despite the tear stains splattered across his freezing cheeks. Tubbo stares at his friend in awe before his mind reboots. Tubbo’s reality feels hazy as he mumbles a reassurance of return to Tommy before rushing up the stairs to grab his blankets. Tubbo doesn’t even properly remember coming back down the stairs again but he knows he must’ve as he stands in front of Tommy again the remains of what used to be his bed clutched in his hands. Tubbo throws them at Tommy not having enough energy to explain, Tommy stays silent even as the bedsheets fall on top of his head.  _ That’s not a good sign.  _

‘’Tommy,’’ Tubbo says, shuffling the blankets so they wouldn’t stop Tommy from breathing. ‘’You have to tell me what’s going on.’’ Tubbo stares at the blankets leaking with heat before guiltily moving under them as well. Tommy sinks further into the blankets a cat-like expression of contentment on his face.  _ He doesn’t want to answer.  _ ‘’Tommy!’’ Tubbo urges poking a finger at his friend,  _ Tommy has the right to privacy but...this...if I can do anything to help. _

‘’Right! Sorry!’’ Tommy apologizes quickly, his eyes snapping to Tubbo’s. His eyes are filled with fear, but Tommy blinks and seems to remember it’s his other half sitting beside him and the fear fades into background noise. ‘’Uhh just sometimes it’s hard…’’. Tubbo raises an eyebrow at his friend, Tommy sighs fidgeting with the sheet on top of him. ‘’I get nightmares sometimes okay!’’ Tommy blurts out quickly, his face starting to grow hot with embarrassment. ‘’But it's not just nightmares, I think…it’s like I’m back in exile and Dream’s there and I can’t breathe.’’ Tommy chokes out as his throat thickens with a weight of a burden Tubbo understands too well. Tubbo reaches over and finds Tommy's hand again. ‘’Dream’s there and I’m so hungry, I’m so tired and my throat is so dry that I just want to rip it out or something...Like I’m not alone cause Dream’s there but this...stress is always there like any moment I’m going to fuck up because, well you know me I’m a screwup.’’. The storm returns inside of Tubbo. ‘’So I’m just waiting there until I make a mistake and then...Dream will be disappointed. He’s so disappointed in me...he’s done so much for me and I’m just,’’ Tubbo wrinkles his nose. ‘’, an insect...anyway the point is I-I forget that I’m not there and I just need to escape because Dream is better off without me...’’ Tommy pauses and looks over a Tubbo and Tubbo tries to not let Tommy see the confusion and rage boiling inside him. ‘’...or maybe I need to leave because Dream’s always watching me. That’s it! Dream was just there to watch me and I just need to get somewhere safe so I run and run and then well that’s how I’m here...I didn’t mean to wake you up and shit but I just didn’t know where to go and I thought it was real so I had to get somewhere safe and you’re-’’ Tommy cuts himself off, shutting his jaw with a snap. ‘’I mean here is better than the L’manberg crater and I kept waking up there so when I knew that I had to get somewhere safe and remembered you we’re here...just look it doesn’t matter.’’ Tommy dismisses looking like he wants to disappear into the bedsheets. 

‘’You woke up in the crater a few...Tommy how long has this been going on!?’’ Tubbo fumbles gazing at Tommy with wide eyes. Tommy starts to just shrug before stopping himself and forcefully turning his face to look at Tubbo. 

‘’I think it started during exile...but then I’d just wake up the fucking water so-’’ Tommy doesn’t get to finish as Tubbo flings his arms around his best friend. 

_ Darn it, I need to stop crying.  _ Tubbo thinks but can’t bring himself to pull away to wipe his eyes dry. ‘’What happened to you in exile?’’ Tubbo croaks out, he doesn’t understand but he knows what it’s like to trade sleep out for hours of repeating painful memories. Tubbo squeezes his eyes shut at the thought of his execution. 

_ Yes, man. Traitor. Worthless. Pawn.  _ The memories are burnt black and the smoke from the fire of his mind nearly straggles Tubbo to death. He tries so hard to ignore it. He doesn’t want it! But it keeps coming back, every day another lit match getting thrown to feed his downfall. The idea of Tommy experiencing something even half as torturous makes Tubbo want to vomit. 

‘’I think Dream...pretended to be my friend…’’ Tommy says, at last, wrapping his arms around Tubbo to return the hug.

‘’What about…’’  _ I can’t lose Tommy. I can’t lose Tommy. I can’t lose Tommy.  _ Tubbo swallows and a wad of sharp pain shoots down his throat. ‘’What about the tower?’’

‘’The...tower?’’

‘’The tower of dirt…’’  _ It’s my fault.  _ ‘’I tried so hard to visit you but I thought I wasn’t allowed and then I was-... Dream made me think that you hated me...but I went anyways and I saw the tower so I...thought you were dead.’’ Tubbo rambles the confession spilling from his lips. Tommy goes rigid and Tubbo would give anything to take back his words. 

‘’Oh…’’ Tommy whispers before making a noise of regret. ‘’Well it started when in exile Dream...he...every day I had thrown all of my armour, weapons or whatever else he wanted into a hole or he’d be upset.’’

‘’Since when have you cared about Dream’s feelings?’’ Tubbo questions in a way that was supposed to lighten the mood, but in reality, he was starting to dread the truth of what happened in the exile he ordered. 

‘’Well, when he was upset he tried to kill me.’’

‘’I…’’

‘’Dream faked being my friend and like I think he used me or something...yeah, he  **manipulated** me until I thought that my life was...pointless. That sounds bad but I thought everyone hated me and that I deserved it and I know I kinda do but-’’

‘’What the fuck!?’’ Tubbo screams abruptly, Tommy starts to pull away but Tubbo stays firmly attached to his friend. ‘’You made a mistake! Everyone makes mistakes! I never hated you Tommy and you don’t deserve...you only deserve the best! Sure you didn’t understand that as Vice president it had bigger effects to damage George's house and it would be nice if you listened to me when I told you I wanted to resolve things without violence but that doesn’t make you bad! Everyone fucks up! You didn’t mean to hurt people! You were trying your best and...god Tommy I’m so sorry for exiling you I never thought...I didn’t think...I just thought it was better than forcing everyone into another war and watching you...die.’’ Tubbo sucks in a breath of air. ‘’I know that I was wrong now but…’’ Tubbo struggles to explain himself.

‘’You couldn’t have known,’’ Tommy assures and to Tubbo he sounds so calm, so warm.

_ He’s safe, he's home.  _ ‘’I’m just so sorry…’’ Tubbo says, his voice barely audible.

‘’No, Tubbo I’m sorry. I thought Techno...I still don’t understand why he killed you but I think he’s not evil? But I don’t know any more for so long I thought Dream was my best friend and I thought you...I thought I lot of things but I swear on fucking everything that I didn’t mean what I said about the discs. You’re worth more than the discs, more than L’manberg, more than me!’’

‘’Don’t say that!’’ Tubbo yells pushing himself away from Tommy. Tubbo grips his best friend’s shoulders with unstable hands and looks him in his large shock-stricken eyes. ‘’You are worth so much! You are so important! I wouldn’t be able to go on without you!’’

‘’I wouldn’t be able to go on without you!’’ Tommy argues back, putting his own hands-on Tubbo’s shoulders, his eyes so sincere that Tubbo has to grit his teeth to stop himself from breaking eye contact. ‘’You were so willing to just give your life up to Dream!’’

‘’You almost threw yourself off a tower!’’ Tubbo flinches moving his hands away as the words he wishes he’d never say to Tommy fall through his mouth. Tommy winces and moves his hands as well into his lap before his eyes flick to Tubbo’s hands and he reaches over to hold them. ‘’Sorry...I...is that what…’’ Tubbo doesn’t want to finish his sentence.

‘’Yeah uh…’’ Tommy stares at Tubbo’s hands uncomfortably. ‘’Dream messed up my brain a lot...but I’m...better now. At first, I was just living to spite Dream, then it was more the discs…’’

‘‘’You threatened to kill yourself if Dream didn’t back down into the vault after he respawned,’’ Tubbo whispers the memories pushing themselves into his mind against his will. 

‘’I...sorry,’’

‘’No, don't apologize!’’ Tubbo insists, feeling overwhelmingly grateful that Tommy's hands are real and alive in his own. ‘’Do you still feel...like that?’’ Tubbo risks. 

‘’I have a hotel now.’’

_ That’s not an answer.  _

‘’Tommy, are you going to try that again?’’ Tubbo questions bluntly. Tommy’s shoulders tease and Tubbo tries his best to ignore the guilt that bleeds into his mind. 

‘’No. I don’t think so...sometimes the nightmares they bring it up again but...I don’t think...no I wanna...I want to stay-I want to keep going.’’ Tommy decides his voice shifting from uncertainty to confidence. Tubbo forces his hands out of Tommy’s to open up his arms in the proposal of a hug. Tubbo doesn’t have words to explain the emotions gushing through him like an open wound. Tommy stares at Tubbo’s arms for a moment with curiosity. 

‘’You’re so clingy Tubbo,’’ Tommy comments a smirk creeping across his lips. Tubbo nearly wants to punch Tommy a flare of sharp feelings jolting through his core, instead, Tubbo flings himself forward nearly tackling Tommy with his embrace.

‘’You prick!’’ Tubbo accuses, burrowing his head into Tommy’s shoulder as they lie in a tangle of blankets and tears. Tommy places his hands lightly on Tubbo’s back as he laughs at the insult. Eventually, Tommy’s giggles die out and Tubbo feels the wariness of being awake so late spread across his muscles. 

‘’Um, Tubbo…’’ Tommy starts, as he nervously fiddles the fabric of Tubbo’s shirt.

‘’Hm?’’

‘’You have to come talk to me if you ever feel...worthless again, okay?’’ 

‘’I’ll...I’ll try my best…’’ Tubbo promises, his eyelids becoming heavy. ‘’You also have to talk to me or someone, ANYONE if you ever...feel like you don’t want to keep going.’’. 

‘’Alright…’’ Tommy says much too soft for his personality. ‘’Also I think you should know that I’m not going back outside and if you kick me out I will cry.’’. 

_ Tommy’s going to be okay, he’s okay and I love him so much.  _ Tubbo doesn’t have the energy left to respond so he just grumbles at Tommy as he blindly reaches for a blanket and lazily throws it over them. Tubbo can barely hear Tommy comment something sarcastic back but he can feel his best friend snuggle further under the blankets anyway. Tubbo lets his eyes fall closed as the rambles of his Tommy’s making up more excuses to make up for his earlier moment of vulnerability lull him back into sleep. 

And for the first time in months, neither of them had a single nightmare. 


End file.
